Lessons from College
by Dagger Queen
Summary: When Tony's sense of humor goes too far, the rest of the team react.


Lessons from College

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own NCIS or any of the characters (CBS and others do). If I did, I would give Tim a spine, make both Tony and Abby grow up, correct Gibbs' management style, and get Ziva to relax. Despite all of the above, I love the show (despite what's been happening this season), which is why I try to correct the "flaws" through fan-fic.

A/N: This was inspired by "Food for Thought" by akaeve. The explanation Tim gives at the end is true, but I forget exactly at which school this prank was committed.

A/N: I don't know if you would consider this Tony-bashing, but I consider it comeuppance.

Timothy McGee had had enough. It didn't matter that the team had had no new cases for almost two weeks (12 days, 16 hours, and 55 minutes to be exact), or that even the cold cases were reduced to boring AWOL sailors, or that the weather was too extreme (violent thunderstorms interspersed with broiling temperatures and drowning humidity) to do anything but huddle indoors and pray the air conditioning stayed on. It didn't even matter that today was April 1st. Tony DiNozzo had gone too far. But little did the Italian realize that the computer expert had learned more in college than how to program.

The plan was in play. Tim had the knowledge; four flat tires on the Porsche at the end of a long day, even if they had not been damaged but only emptied, had not been at all fun. Jimmy had the supplies; the animated fake corpse in Autopsy had almost caused a heart attack. Abby had the contacts; the looped soundtrack of Barney's theme song on the hidden stereo had nearly brought the Goth to her knees before finding it. Ziva had the expertise; it had taken her two hours to detach the paperclip chain that had been wound around her desk (including the computer and phone), chair, and cubicle walls. And finally, Gibbs had the truck (borrowed ... he didn't need specific revenge – Tony wasn't stupid - but he was as heartily sick of Tony's actions as the next guy). And Tony had the self-absorbed ego not to realize that the silence in the bullpen was anticipatory glee in his handing them the perfect opportunity to exact vengeance and not cowed acceptance of his brilliance.

"Okay, enough!" Gibbs' command cut through the senior agent's rendition of his most recent prank. "Everyone go home." His next words halted Tony before he could do more than pull his feet off of his desk. "Not you, Tony. You have a date down in Legal ... something about picking up several reams of paper that were spit out by every copier in the office, all bearing your grinning face as the watermark?" The SFA's face fell, but the team leader continued before he could utter a word. "Oh, and because the papers had some PII (Personal Identification Information) on them, you also have to shred each piece and make sure it's put in the proper disposal bin ... or bins."

Before Tony could turn to the others and request/command their assistance, Tim and Ziva were already in the elevator. They had caught Gibbs surreptitious nod before he told everyone to leave, and had immediately shut down their computers, grabbed their gear, and headed out as the older man began listing their teammate's tasks. As the elevator doors opened into the garage, the pair was met by their co-conspirators, and the four piled into the vehicles. Ziva and Jimmy took her car, already loaded with the items needed for final preparation. Tim and Abby piled into Gibbs' truck and headed for one final stop before descending on their target.

Tony grumbled to himself as he exited his car and headed for his apartment. Why did he have to spend 2 ½ hours cleaning up the Legal department just because some people couldn't take a joke? It was bad enough that the 45 minutes spent bending over to grab every errant scrap of paper (he was still sure the "ladies" had dropped extra to get him back) left him with an aching back, and that the shredder only took a few pages at a time. But the final thorn in his side was Mrs. Sloan, the guardian dragon of the department. She had considered it her duty to watch his every move and lecture him on appropriate behavior for a grown man and an NCIS agent, starting from the moment he walked in the door until it had closed behind him.

**At least it's the weekend, and we're not on call,** he thought as he entered the elevator and leaned against the wall with a sigh. **A long hot soak in the tub and a good night's sleep and I'll be ready for some real fun.** He started to hum to himself as the elevator doors opened and he headed for his apartment. **With a little luck, Veronica will be free tomorrow night.**

He laughed to himself as he opened the door and strolled in, his majority of his attention on the luscious black-haired beauty. But his throaty chuckle turned into a surprised squawk as his feet collided with an unseen obstacle and he pitched forward. The squawk ended in a sputter as he face-planted in several inches of water. Scrambling madly, and half-choking as he tried to keep his head above water, Tony managed to clear the obstacle and get his feet under him. He surged to his feet and stood there, dripping wet as he regained his balance and looked around. Light from the street outside gave just enough illumination to allow him to locate the nearest wall switch. With a swipe of his hand, the living room was flooded with light, and it was then that Tony fully realized that it was also flooded with what appeared to be his own private indoor lake. As his mouth dropped open in sheer shock, he looked around to assess the situation.

The obstacle over which he'd tripped was a Plexiglas sheet that blocked the water from spreading into the hallway. The doorway had been enclosed with three sheets of the stuff that allowed just enough space for the door to open. That, along with the saltiness of the water he'd swallowed, meant this was no burst water pipe. Glancing down, he figured the water was about 12 inches deep. Turning red with anger at the damage this was no doubt causing to his stuff, he started to wade toward the kitchen when the weird feeling under his feet penetrated. He stopped and leaned over, reaching through the water to feel the floor. Some type of plastic wrap lined the floor, and he looked closer, he could see traps under the water-proofing. Further investigation spotted similar protection on all of the tables and chairs and up the walls; anything without legs, such as his couch, appeared to have been moved to higher ground, perched on cinder blocks.

Sudden movement caught his eye, as ... something ... glided out from under the closest table. When the small fin broke the surface, Tony reacted as if Jaws was being re-enacted in his living room. A flying leap took him to the nearest surface above water, his eyes bulging out and a high-pitched shriek strangling in his throat. More incoherent words spilled out as additional sleek forms became apparent. It seemed his private lake was populated with sharks.

As he shuffled to the edge of his dining room table, his foot hit the metal bucket that he hadn't noticed in his initial spring to safety. A brightly-colored ribbon adorned the handle, holding a piece of paper. As his heart rate slowly dropped, Tony pulled the paper out and unrolled it. His eyes widened as he read...

Tony, given your actions over the last few days, you really shouldn't be too surprised. Unless of course you're surprised that Ziva didn't use the paperclips to inflict the Death of a Thousand Cuts or that Abby didn't kill you and leave no forensic evidence. You can use this to empty the water into the kitchen sink. There is enough salt water in your bathtub, plus an oxygenator, to keep the pets happy until tomorrow (there are 5, so be sure to count). We'll be by in the morning to return them to the aquarium ... don't worry; we made sure they were well-fed before re-homing them. Also, there shouldn't be any permanent damage to your apartment, but your landlord was informed and anything will be fixed without affecting your security deposit. Have a nice night! And, no! We will NOT help you, so don't leave the water hoping you can browbeat us into it! Instead of signatures, there were icons: a computer, a Star of David, a skull and crossbones, and a crossed scalpel and magnifying glass. There was a single line under the icons. The fifth pet is from Gibbs, so don't look to him for help.

It might have been the shock that kept him quiet, or the final realization that he must have gone too far in the spirit of the season to make his co-workers respond so dramatically. Whatever the reason, Tony simply sighed as he gingerly stepped down off of the table and gathered up a bucketful of water. Moving carefully to the kitchen – well-fed or not, only a foot or so long or not, he didn't want to attract any unnecessary attention from the residents.

Stepping over the Plexiglass sheet that protected his kitchen, he went to the sink and upended the bucket. Just as he did so, the U-tube from the drain caught his eye, sitting to one side with a similarly gaudy bow wrapped around it. Unable to stop the flow of water, he closed his eyes and waited for it to gush out from under the sink and onto the kitchen floor.

When nothing happened, he cracked one eye to see that water calmly draining down. With the bucket empty, he put it down and picked up the small bit of pipe, only now noticing the paper that had been hidden underneath it.

Tony, part of the prank would have been flooding the kitchen, but we thought that might a bit too much. Actually some of us were for it, but the others pointed out how much work it would take to prep a second room, so they went with the mental torture route. Your friends.

"Some friends," he groused, but was grateful all the same. He figured the girls were the ones who wanted to be harder on him; didn't the saying go "the female of the species is more deadly than the male"? With yet another, deeper sigh, he put down the pipe and turned back to the task of emptying his living room of water and unwanted occupants.

The next day, thankfully not too early, a knock brought Tony to his door to greet the four conspirators. He bowed them into the living room, clasping his hands in front of his chest and bobbing up and down several times. The water was gone, but numerous towels and linens covered as much of the floor as possible to soak up the remaining moisture. Thankfully the weather had stayed balmy, which allowed the windows to be wide open as well to aid in the drying process.

"Enter, oh masters of the season. I stand humbled in your presence." He smiled as the foursome relaxed, obviously grateful that he was taking things so well. "I finally came to the conclusion ... at about 1:30 this morning ... that it could have been a whole lot worse."

Abby flung her arms around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You're welcome, Tony." She released him and stepped back to give him a mock glare. "Just be sure to remember this, and know ..."

"Okay, Abby," Tim cut her off, not wanting to rub it in and spoil the current comradeship. "Let's just help Tony finish cleaning up and get the pets back to their home."

With nods all around, the fivesome got to work. In a surprisingly short period of time, the living room wrappings were bundled up and deposited in the building's dumpster and the occupants of Tony's bathtub transferred to heavy plastic containers for their trip back to the aquarium. It was decided that the furniture could stay where it was until the carpet was fully dry; while not wet, it was damp enough to warrant the caution. But the pranksters had brought some dehumidifiers to speed things up.

"So, who came up with this little masterpiece?" Tony asked as he looked around his apartment and decided they'd done all they could for the time being. He got his answer when Tim blushed, much to the others' amusement. "Okay, McSharkWeek, spill."

"I just read about this while I was at college. A lot of them have one day when all seniors are barred from campus and any and all pranks are fair game as long as no permanent damage is done. The list was pretty ingenious, especially for the engineering students. But this one kinda stood out."

Tony smiled wickedly. "Oh, really? There were others?" He flung an arm around his partner's shoulders. "Why don't we drop off the pets, then I'll take you all to lunch and you can tell us all about those ingenious pranks."

As he ushered the others out of the apartment, the senior agent felt his smile broaden to a grin. Even if he only got a few ideas from Tim, it would be worth the meal. And while he knew he'd never be able to get away with pulling them on his team, his social circle of friends were fair game. Just wait until next year!

Fini


End file.
